Father Fiction... Things that made me think

95% of prison inmates are men
85% of these are from fatherless homes
      I hadn't heard this stat before, I think the first stat is more shocking than the second.  What makes men more corrupt than women?  Is there some other reason for this stat?
What are your thoughts?


There will always be a reason to feel sorry for ourselves. And sometimes it really is appropriate to grieve something terrible that has happened in our lives. But we also have to move on; we have to set ourselves free from the trap of self-pity.
      

Father Fiction - Donald Miller

I found this title at my online library.  It was an experiment because I had not used this before.  I went through about 100 of their books and placed on hold the ones that looked interesting.  This book, however, was ready to borrow straight away along with a couple of others.

I got the book just because of the author.  I've heard a lot of people talking about 'Blue Like Jazz' as a good/ controversial read so I thought this might be similar.  The only thing I thought after considering the title was that this could possibly be about wrong thinking about God - Father Fiction.  I was slightly off on this.

As I listened, I realized that this book was not aimed toward me.  Father fiction, as I could have easily seen if I had had the front cover of the book, is for a 'fatherless generation.'  This, it seems, is Miller's autobiography.  One that took a long time to pluck up the courage to face and write.  It also contains chapters that you would find in these guidance books such as one on sex and on work ethic.  I think these are what he sees as some of the main issues that affect fatherless children.

He grew up for most of his life without a father and although his mother brought him up very well he always felt as though he was missing something.  He has some figures in his life whom he projects his fatherlessness onto (as he himself describes) including John, his photographer friend who brings him under his wing.

I was surprised that he is not married with kids - I guess this is my presupposition of renowned and accepted authors.

I felt a strange kind of immaturity from Miller (says me who laughs at fart jokes), I'm not sure if this was just because of listening to the story of his younger self or because he is in a different place to me.  It seemed that, although he had a lot of good thoughts and a grip on psychology, he didn't necessarily have it all together.  Perhaps this was because some of these thoughts on parenthood, for example, were not self experienced but learned from others.

True to form (so I hear) Miller is very honest and has great stories to take the reader on a journey.  I think it is a good read for the fathered or fatherless and should make you feel thankful for having The Father who cares for you.

Here are a couple of quotes that made me think.

Things that made me laugh - Garrison Keillor pt3

A guy walks into a bar in Cork, in Ireland, and asks the barman: "What's the quickest way to get to Dublin?" 

"Are you walking or driving?" asks the barman. 

"Driving," says a man. 

"That's the quickest way," says the barman.

An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

The Doctor replied "Have you tried counting sheep?"

The accountant stated "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

Three professionals were sitting around talking about the oldest profession.

The Doctor says, "Well, the Bible says that God took a rib out of Adam to make woman. Since that clearly required surgery, then the oldest profession is surely medicine."

The Engineer shakes his head and replies, "No, no. The Bible also says that God created the world out of void and chaos. To do that, God must surely have been an engineer. Therefore, Engineering is the oldest profession."

The Lawyer smiles smugly and leans discreetly forward. "Ah," he says, "but who do you think created the Chaos?"

Artemis Fowl - Eoin Colfer

This one was a quick library visit pick up.  I remember thinking 'Eoin Colfer is a pretty talented writer' after reading 'Plugged'.  This being his famous book it should be even better.  The only thing I was skeptical about was that it said recommended for 12-17 year-olds.  Being slightly past this age group (my wife just chuckled as I wrote this) was this going to be a boring childish read?

My wife did, however, reassure me that this kind of book can be a fun quick read like 'The Hunger Games.'

I read/listened to the book in one day.  I think it was about 7 hours long, which went quickly.

The story line was as follows - Artemis Fowl is a rich youth who has experienced a lot of adventures with fairies (not the fairies that you picture when you hear the word) and their magic and is therefore wise beyond his years.  His mother contract some kind of disease, which Artemis diagnoses and has to go back in time and battle himself for the cure... (it seems slightly forced when you read it like that but flows naturally in the book)

The suggested age range is probably because it is entertaining enough to keep teenagers attention and therefore mine pretty well also. Despite the younger intended audience the plot was still fairly complicated. The twists and turns and then paradoxes of the time stream and time travel meant you had to think intensely about what was going on especially as there were two sets of the same character.  I appreciate these kinds of things because it usually gets my mind going even after I'm finished reading.

One of the nuances of the story was the contrast of its mythology with common stories such as 'Lord of the Rings' and folklore. For example, dwarves appear somewhat kind hearted, crackens are docile creatures, centaur are fat and lazy and demons are nerdy.  All of these little subtleties made me smile and enjoy the story even more.

It did seem like the kind of book that would have many sequels and prequel about it.  (after I wrote this I looked it up and realized this was the sixth book in the series, probably why there was not a lot of character development.  In light of this I should probably do some research before I read books like this, especially one with a subtitle on the front cover)

Things that made me laugh - Garrison Keillor pt2

An Iowan walks into a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw that will cut 6 trees in one hour. The salesman recommends the top of the line model. The Iowan is suitably impressed, and buys it. The next day he brings it back and says, "This chainsaw is defective. It would only cut down 1 tree and it took ALL  DAY!" The salesman takes the chainsaw, starts it up to see what's wrong, and the Iowan says, "What's that noise?"

(Make sure you imagine the Scottish accent in this one)
(Also pardon my french... /scottish)

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run ... run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man!"

Things that made me laugh - Garrison Keillor pt1

What do you call someone that doesn't fart in public?

A private tooter

The Queen had come to open a new surgical clinic at the local hospital. The ceremony finishing slightly early, she decided to visit some patients in other parts of the hospital.

She walked into the next ward and went up to the first bed. "Why are you in hospital?" she asked.
The man looked at her and said, "My luve is like a red, red rose, that's newly sprung in June."
Somewhat taken aback, she moved on to the next bed. "And why are you here?" she asked.

"Oh, wert thou in the cauld blast, on yonder lea, on yonder lea, My plaidie to the angry airt, I'd shelter thee, I'd shelter thee," came the reply.

Really confused now, the Queen tried once more. She moved on to the next bed. "Why are you in hospital?" she asked.

"Wee, sleeket, cowran tim'rous beastie, O what a panic's in thy breastie!" was the answer.
The Queen turned to the hospital manager. "Is this the psychiatric ward" she asked?

"No, it's the Burns Unit." 

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection
plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be
able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more. "And just how would
I go about doing that?" he asked.

"It is very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the
auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone.
Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above
the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold
the plates were full of 20 dollar bills. Now, the preacher did not want
to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore,
he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.

Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on
the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs
and parts flew everywhere.

"Crap!" exclaimed the pastor. 
It took them a week to clean up the church. 

Plenty of Pretty Good Jokes - Garrison Keillor

I found this at my online library, I don't really remember a lot of jokes but everyone loves hearing them so I got this thinking maybe I would intentionally remember some.  

I didn't really know what the format would be - one liners, people telling stories.  I started listening and it didn't seem like something that was recorded specifically for an audiobook, more like a radio show.  I looked up Garrison Keillor and such enough he is a radio presenter.  

Anyway, I thought rather than reviewing these jokes I would just start a segment called 'Things that made me laugh...'

Here's the first installment